SNARK ATTACK

For anyone who read my previous post, bad news. It was all a lie. Well, maybe not all of it, but certainly anything relating to a certain somebody's query letter being "done," and especially anything about it being "good."

While testing the waters of the AW community (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/index.php) I was attacked by a creature I had only heard about in legend. As a beginning writer (imagine me standing with my safety floaties and boogeyboard) I had never encountered this thing in its truest form. It was always the domesticated versions, such as polite schoolmates or writing group peers who don't really care, that I had dealings with. But this new beast appeared in its truest form.

What beast, you ask? Of course, I'm talking about the dreaded Snark, a creature native to the oceans of the literary world.

Now you might be thinking...snark? Don't you mean shark? No. Sharks don't know how to read. Sharks are not attracted, or even remotely interested, in your crappy writing. And for the record, a snark bite is much worse than a shark bite-- when a shark bites you, you lose a leg, so what? Get a peg leg, and everyone will think you are awesome. When a snark bites, it not only makes you feel ridiculous, but makes you look ridiculous, as well. And nobody will think you are awesome.

Nobody likes a snark-- at least, nobody with pride, or inexperience in the writing world. (Pawns have no pride, of course-- check AW identity for reference.) But snarks are an important part of the ecosystem. Without them, crappy writers or writers who know nothing about the industry would have no indication that they need improvement. If the snarks didn't appear as soon as we stepped into the water to let us know our writing was sub-par then we would be saturating the market with our horrible queries, articles, and boring short-stories, closing doors that we will (later) really wish were still open.

There are two kinds of snarks that I have seen. One snark is offering criticism because he, or she, wants you to succeed. The other is just being snide for the fun of it, and the best way to deter this kind of snark is a good punch in the face (or a harpoon.) Both types, however, offer important feedback on your work-- even the truly malevolent snark, who may bring some details to light that an equally cantankerous agent or editor might notice as well.

Anyways...with that, I had better quit stalling and get back in the water. The snarks are waiting.